That old “long-notebook”….

Most of us who have written a few things during school or college days, have had that favorite old note book or note pad where we wrote regularly or irregularly….

I have one of those preserved too. It’s the typical long notebook printed by some odd local publisher and titled the book with some typical Indian name like “Kamal Books”, “Vikas long note”, “Saraswati Pustak” or something equally non-attractive (at least to me). Mine doesn’t have a front cover.

But to my happiness, I remember my notebook without the front cover ever since… the first page interestingly is full of the different styles of “signing my name off”! This was a regular hobby with me and my Dad used to be pretty intrigued too. My dad has the most unusual signature I have seen for a simple minded Engineer. So there’s this page with signatures all-over, some with English & Hindi alphabets mixed up to give the whole thing a different look, that happens to be the face of my fav writing pad.

The last page almost mirrors the first one, while the difference is in the directions of the scribbled signatures.

But the essence, obviously is between the two.

It holds some of my fav old poems and articles, I wrote years back. There’s something with nostalgia that makes you feel sentimental. So I keep going back to that note-book and read from it. I haven’t wanted to change or copy stuff from there onto a newer better and beautiful note-book. Something just stops me (It’s become like an artifact for me ).

The other reason of the fondness, probably, is that it belongs to my college time. The era of romanticism, youthful energy and also some solitude. All three of these attributes reflect in all that I wrote at that time – new ventures, homesickness, My Mother, my gang of ‘yet-to-be-engineers’, my crushes, my dreams as a young man, times of dilemma, time itself, solitude and sorrow….

So it’s a mixed bag of some most cherishable times of my life.

Another fact that adds to this is that I spent more than a year in a small village in Assam, exposing myself to a totally different world. Some of the most remembered people (young n old), some of the most lonely nights, some days of bizarre travelling….

All in all, my fav long-book is a drop of rain that takes me back to the Sea, where it came from.

The Continuum called Evolution

It appears to me as if:


“There is nothing such as Individual progress or decline, it is all but a miniscule part of the infinite continuum called Evolution”.

So, whatever we do, good or bad, has no major impact on the moving status of universe or the human race. I am here, not denying or defying the Law of Karma, as our deeds will yield results unto us, definitely. But, those deeds and their results will not find (or rather – may not find) direct correlation to the dynamic equilibrium of evolution.

While on the other hand the heterogeneous two dimensional (space and time) effect, (I’d rather call it three dimensional, with the addition of a collective human conscious as the third), of the deeds of thousands and crores of us produces this continuum – “evolution”, which is hence the triple integral of our deeds over the three dimensions, as their ranges tend to infinity.

To find or deduce the impact of one human’s deeds, is hence, next to impossible. But the impact of the said integration has produced the transformation of one living cell to this whole diverse and complicated array of innumerable living species. The same law could apply to the universe, starting from the big bang to the structure with galaxy’s including star systems (like our solar system), planets, satellites, meteors, comets etc etc.

So, why are we even talking about all this if there’s no way we that one can measure the consequence of action. It is because this is not about measuring our action and deducing its impact on evolution, since, none of us is trying (or can try) to give any particular direction to this continuum. The objective is not to turn evolution your way (if there’s any “your way” at all) and that, anyways, would be impossible and futile, considering infinity as the end point.

Then,
1. There’s nothing we can decide
2. There’s nothing we can do
3. We cannot direct the motion
4. W cannot define the end point
5. We cannot control the trajectory or speed of the process

BUT:
Once the whole scheme is clear to us, once we realize the abysmal infinity of the continuum and our relation to it as a part of the collective transformation, maybe a few (Or all) of our queries have answers and solutions.

I loved the below quote:

“When the doors of perception are cleansed, one will see everything as it truly is, infinite”.

Defying Nature

I spent the morning watching "Animal Planet", that 'of-course' was while washing clothes. But this was one of the most memorable documentaries i ever watched. The title said "The heart of a Lioness".

This lioness, a loner by chance, (somehow) caught a baby Oryx (an antelope cousin), but mystifyingly it did not strangle the baby oryx by its neck, as is expected by a lioness in the wild. Strangely she picked up the baby in its jaws, like it wud've picked up a cub, and took it with her. What was even more strange was the baby oryx nibbling on the lioness's ear, later.

Lions hunt once every 3-4 days and usually 4 days is pretty long for a lion to not have eaten anything. But this lioness spent 17 days with the oryx, never allowing it to wander out of her sight, saving it from other predators. It was an amazing pair of mother-baby (pseudo), while both belonged to such opposite species.... the predator & prey.

The lioness and the ory both kept growing weak each day due to hunger, but did not get seperated. Finally, a male lion got to the baby oryx and ended the rare relation, while the weak lioness could not even dare to confront the lion. (Cruel Males huh!).

The whole documentary is shot wunderfully, with such a touching story.... a rare display of a relationship no one could have thought of. The lioness, anyways was documented to have adopted 4 more oryx cubs... while none of the relations survived more than a week....

Exemplary legend.
The lioness could have been a true ambassador for adoption programmes across the globe!!

The Pursuit of happiness. (7th April, 2007)

This is an old piece of writing that I wrote while flying the South African Airlines to Jo’berg.

Please excuse me for abstract thoughts, because honestly, under the action of a good movie, solitude & good quality booze, I tend to get a little philosophical (or so my friends said).

“Pursuit”… of Happiness! It sounded like a never-ending journey to fulfillment & satisfaction. And it felt like we are all a part of the same journey.

Then my bubble memory burst another one, and so emerged my B-school tag line “Journey is the reward”. (btw, I am truly the perfect example of Bubble memory phenomenon). The connecting link between the movie title and this tag line happens to be “journey” or the “pursuit”. Now this journey needs to be understood, admired and loved, for it to manifest itself in the form of a reward. Else the whole thing just seems like some hopeless consolation after an unsuccessful attempt.

But how does one understand and enjoy the pursuit while still aiming at and working for higher goals.

It sound more like a contradiction whence I believed it should boil down to some kind of an analogy.

I am back to a confused state with lots of mixed up ideas and unanswered questions. I really don’t understand why so many theories collide and contradict each other. I write slower than I think, and maybe everyone does!! The rate of flow of thoughts is much faster than my capability of putting it on paper.

Ok, so most of us want to buy-out happiness. And whether it is possible or not, it sure is dream-able…. But is it possible to be happy if one does not “achieve” whatever one has set out to. One does try ones’ best. But if you don’t achieve, there lies an emptiness, a void, that keeps disturbing your peaceful equilibrium like a small soft soap bubble. Positive thinking, acceptance of facts, trying again and faith might take you to success, but until then there ain’t no respite.

Nothing seems to conquer “experience”. True realization comes only out of true experience. Rest are all theories, opinions or ideas. Without implementing them you never know which one’s true and which needs revision.

So does the Pursuit continue…. And Ever Shall.

*PS: This whole thing has nothing to do with the movie itself :). Whilst Will Smith & his kid were undoubtedly admirable and the direction of the movie was truly respectable.

The Proximity Concept

“The physical proximity of people has a positive impact on their acceptance and liking of each other; and it keeps a relation live; unless there’s a particular force acting such that they repel each other”
Blame it on the “out of sight out of mind” syndrome or “decreased communication” or any other such stuff, the fact remains that people who are far away need loads of efforts to stay connected, and the fact that these efforts are put in are proof that they wish to be closer.

There’s something about being physically close (and I don’t mean “touching”). That’s how we get good or bad vibes. We never get vibes about somebody who’s far away.

One good explanation is about communication. People who are closer and meet often, happen to discuss a lot of issues concerning their lives and receive feedback, appreciation, guidance from their counterparts; that’s how the relation keeps getting refreshed. People who stay far communicate only via phone calls and written messages. These forms of communication only cater to the brain, and not to the senses, they lack the combination of visual, auditory and other signals that accompany a real face to face conversation. And no one can deny the difference of a handshake, a pat on the back, a tap on the head…. A naughty poke of the finger, a warm hug, a peck on the cheek etc etc. What long-distance communication also lacks is display of body-language (although sight includes “body-language”, but it does need special mention). We as humans relate and respond to body language consciously as well as un-consciously.

The question that arises is that our relations with our parents and siblings are ever-alive and stand the test of distance, in contrast to this theory. But then, probably, these are relations that have been cemented over so many years, importantly the formative years. But if we still scrutinize them further we do find that after a certain point, even these relations thrive on the proximity. That’s why we keep going back to our ancestral homes, to our parents and siblings; to keep in touch, to keep strengthening the bond through physical proximity.

And similarly, People living abroad who meet their kith n kin after long years do not feel the kind of warmth they expect and the relations seem to have gone weak.

People getting involved in their immediate physical surroundings, routines local friends and relations tend to feel closer to them because of the proximity concept.

Enough for my thinking machine…. Rest is for each of us to decipher!

Ma-food

Explanations for the term "Ma-food":
In general: Mom's food; Food cooked by Mom. Special connotation attached to the term "Ma-food" that points to a certain special liking for some very very delicious food that one is in habit of having, since very young.

I just read Phoenixritu's blog and happenned to think about this particular craving of Mom's food that everyone (read especially son) has. For those of you who might want to refer to the blog: http://www.phoenixritu.com/2009/09/16/but-i-am-going-away-ma/
Let me also include my own list of my fav Ma-food:
1. Plain rice with Tomato Chutney
2. Choley Puri with Green Chilly Pickle
3. Sarson ka saag - makki ki roti
4.Burmese form of Chowmein (Auno Khauswey)
5. North Indian style of Chowmein with ghee-mirch
6. Aaloo/Gobhi ke parathey - aam/gochi-gajar ka achaar
7. Besan ke laddoooo

and this list just continues......
and i am sure we all have a similar loong list...

So most of us are in love eternally with Ma-food... but this legacy unwinds itself unto the boys once they leave home for studies and gets even more interesting once they get married. There's something very naughty about teasin the wives on the taste of food not matching upto "Ma-food". And somewhere the wives also wish to catch up to "the level"....

This unfortunately never happens in the mortal world, just 'coz the sons are the judges... and they never want to miss out on the fun. The Mom's naturally feel happy and satisfied knowing all this, and their love continues to be showered on the blessed sons :).

On a recent trip back home, me n Tj (My wife) landed home at around 1 am in the night and had not had our dinner except a few sandwiches. So i had called up Mom and asked her to make my fav Rice & Tomato Chutney... and it was great to dive into it at 1 am. Both Mom and Tj happenned to enjoy the fact.... (Tj's got so used to me and my "Ma-food" gimmicks... ).

Dedicated to all ye Mom's, Sons and DILs.

Wierd Dreams

I'm sure we've all had some really abstract dreams. The ones that we most-often do not remember and do not even care about. But there are times when one does remember the god-forsaken incomprehensible but intriguing dream and if one's crazy enough, then he/she also tries to solve the mysteries.

It's also so much fun to tell your freinds n cousins about what you dreamt... and then listen to their prophecies.

Well, this is one of my wierdest dreams that i did remember... and i just wrote it down as the first thing in the morning. When i read it later, i had a humorous time myself. The thoughts that appeared in my mind while i read it later have been colored in red.

I peeped through a pandal… an enormous pandal with the typical reds n greens in stripes all over (looks like you’ve recently been to an Indian wedding)…. listening to some loud voice (Big deal! In such a uselessly huge pandal the voice has to be loud for everyone to hear)…. The voice starts resembling “akashvani” (hope it wasn’t the radio program), and later it appears that it’s a very huge event and someone is literally speaking from the sky (now this is turning mythological)…. Speaking about events in our life (haha that could’ve been karan johar’s movie idea dude!).

Suddenly there starts a heavy downpour (Bollywoodish…)… rains with thunder and lightning (So, whats unusual?)… the volume of water dropping down is humongous….(whatttt… I thought this was getting romantic)
I run out of the place (looser)… and it turns out to be a sea-shore with numerous war-ships (pirates of the caribbean)…. An infinite fleet of warring boats (troy…)…. I am playing with kids (what…. On a shore that has war-ships across the waters… you’re playin wt kids, u gotta be insane)…. Small kids, with waves coming at us (what else).
The waves keep getting higher and higher… I save a few kids from the hit of the huge waves (at last u really “do” something)… it turns to flood (now for god’s sake… a flood on a sea-shore)… water flows with high velocity everywhere… to the huts…(Huts???)
When the water recedes(time really passes quickly), it leaves behind baby crocodiles(not whales?? Discovery channel freak!). Kids start playin wt them (bizarre kids). Some crocs are slightly bigger (u did realize), we chase them (chase them to where brave people)…. I spot a long snake rushing back to its hole in the earth… a red hooded snake (enough this is a jumanzi remake).
We start playin wt the crocs too.. we happen to chase them to a room( :O) a room on the shore, n where did the huts go…went with the floods? Leaving the room for your indoor fun wt crocs?)… they crawl in… we follow them (Crocodile Dundee).
In the room its just a few crocs (2-3) & we play wt them… slowly they disappear to the other side of the room… (did u wish they’d stay wt u forever?)
We think of taking one as a pet (dats a modern idea)… but we don’t (ur mom wud be releived). and then we spot a bundle of young chicks (aha now there it is, some fun… so were they sexy?)… colorful n cute (go on)…. I pick them with their mother…(their mother? Were they sisters? How cud u pick ‘em up)
She bites me with her beak and seems unhappy, I leave them(Oh the real chicks… from the hen)…. Then they move on in a straight line after their mother.(thank god u woke up).

So thats it guys.
All your comments on my dream are welcome.
All your comments on my comments are also welcome.
Even your interpretations of the dream will not be rejected :).

Joe... Joe... G.I. Joe…..

G.I. Joe just got released a few days back and hearing about it I remembered the toons that I used to be possessed by as a young tier-II city boy. Now this is a fav old remembrance thingy between the four of us cousins… So whenever the spirits are high and the loud music has given way to nostalgic cherishing of memories…. We almost never ever forget to revisit the GI Joe trek that we designed and implemented with “pepsi-fizz excitement” (this is a term coined by my Uncle, especially for ever-over-enthusiastic know-nothing teenagers that we foolishly turned out to look like).

The gang.
The eldest, gutsy lad “S” had himself electrified by managing to be struck by an iron rod with 11000 watts passing into his intestines (btw he was just trying to catch up with a Kite J). NDE (near-death-experience). Vacationed in the hospital for half a year….
M: restless and naughty, centre of a nuisance, found himself in such kinda situations often.
G: beautiful, blue-eyed boy of the group who could get touchy at times, but never gave up on any fun, how-ever dirty it might sound.
Youngest and certainly not the least, P: fair n cute, challengingly sporty, agreeing to any plans to prove his worth, calling the rest by names when the usual practice was “bhaiya”.

So here goes the adventure tale:

One fine day of some long-gone summer vacation (meeting at summer vacations was a trend “then”), the four of watched G. I. Joe. Excited (* pepsi-fizz) one of us spotted a hillock, from our 1st floor house-balcony, that we’d been eying for quite some time. It was decided that we leave for the god-forsaken hillock and find some adventure enroute.

Colorful shorts and tee’s, white Canvas shoes and a Hero-BMX bicycle made for the most appropriate gear. We split into two groups: S-M & G-P. Each group got to ride the “bike” for a certain distance/time. The other group ran along…. Yes they just ran!

The war cry was simple: “Joe Joe… G I Joe…..”

We left the tarred road 15 mins after start & took the muddy trail. Exchanging the bike to enjoy the “country-drive”, we made up all gossip for self-motivation. With each kilometer covered the frequency of exchanging the bike kept increasing… and the hillock seemed “just as far”. It got tougher with the Sun trying to beat us to the mud. This was supposed to be the route to the village from where our maid “Ramvati” came. The 2 odd people we came across did not reflect this fact though! Subtle requests for exchanging the bike transformed to loud battle-like arguments amidst the huff-puff running to catch-up with the bike (just so that the other team would not drive an extra decameter).

By the time the hillock appeared near, all four of us were dragging ourselves and the bike… walking towards the “castle to be won”. Mud filled the air and our heads alike. Barren land with thorn bushes marked the panorama of the hillock. Thirsty, Sweating and dehydrated, all we found on the slope of the hillock was holes made by birds, being used as nests and all kinds of shit (buffaloes, dogs, goats and horses). A few dry sticks from the trees did make for an enjoying swordfight that lasted a few minutes. None of us was so much of a nature lover to enjoy the flora and fauna of the place (as if there was much of it anyways ;p). We spotted our home from atop the hillock and “discovered” a short-cut through some bushes, which could be maneuvered (and all four of us agreed that was the best way home).

With no village within sight we decided to head towards the bushes, which we believed, cut-across would take us directly towards our township where we could climb a wall and budge back to known territory. Fate with us, as we approached the bushes their size seemed to be considerably taller than us. Another blow to our planning still did not discourage us from carrying the bike on our shoulders and venturing into the bushes. A few insect bites and some rashes is what one would definitely not be scared of (till the results manifested later). But what took us by surprise was the marsh that awaited us. Through the thick of bushes, with our feet foot deep into the marsh we found ourselves on the bank of a big stinking pond with tall cranes grinning at us.

We decided to use all our collective intelligence to move along the periphery of the pond to reach the other end and move on victoriously towards our home. After all, this definitely was “adventure”. Traversing the un-explored virgin terrain, we emerged out of the bushes only to find that we had covered too much of the periphery and would have to trace back some distance to find out if we knew how we could get back home. And all this time we still kept “exchanging” the bike between our groups, only this time it was each group wanting to give away the bike asap. Finally we found the way to the same old muddy track that we’d trodden an hour back….

Another 40 minutes of dragging ourselves and the god-damned bike and we were standing in front of our place. Mom seemed waiting for us in the balcony. Perhaps, we did not realize the mud and marsh on our clothes and hair made us look like filthy ugly frogs.

All she could do was yell at us “DO NOT CLIMB UP THE STAIRS, GO WASH YOURSELVES AT THE HANDPUMP AND THEN YOU SHALL BE ALLOWED INSIDE”.

“Joe.. Joe.. G I joe…….”

And we never went G-I-joe-ing again!!

My wife still gets marriage proposals...people grow up!!

In true ‘Desi-advertisement’ style, this young girl caught up with my wife today, in the morning local’s ladies compartment, and unveiled her wish to get my wife married to her brother (not that she knew Tj is my ‘wife’ already). But c’mon, unbelievably “Aapki twacha se aapki umra ka….” Types!! Wuff!!

I was pleasantly amazed at the way people can display their emotions, with the ease of a bird taking its flight, leaping into the air from atop a tree, weightlessly. I, for one, happen to be quite a “gup-shup” guy myself, but this was par excellence.

Imagine:
You are in a local train (fast passenger that drives 80% of Mumbai to and from their offices) filled with God’s fav creatures (human beings; or so we’d like to believe) like grain in a gunny bag. The simplest of beings inside, have a family, an office/institution, a gang of “time-pass friends” (thankfully), a boss/lecturer, BMC, terrorism, swine flu etc etc and so much more to worry about. You’re already “happily” (?) accommodating four ladies (all different sizes though!) on a bench just enough for three, while all the fe-warriors are busy gossiping (usually gangs of middle-aged office-going women from the Indian Secular have loads of stories to tell each other, enough to write the Indian version of “Indianica Encyclopedia Gossipa”). Then there is “gen-next” listening to music or chirping their way to intermittent excited laughter, on their swanky (or even not-so-swanky, doesn’t matter much) mobiles with optimum utilization of the handsfree, which has already become a part of their physical being.

In the midst of this, a beautiful & healthy (wadya mean!!) babe spots you and keeps a tab on your animated discussions and the glow of your aura (now how on earth does she notice that…). For her its difficult to resist this bubbly, charming, ever-glowing, fair, fairy-like, young & hep technocrat… (hope Tj is satiated with this much of flattery). Don’t get me wrong here, she’s not excited because of the de-criminalisation of some penal acts lately, it’s just that you fit so well into her “perfect sis-in-law” (is there ever one??) mould that she can’t focus anywhere else. She’s made her decision minutes after you start your discourse on Meta-physics (after all knowledge is to be shared and 2 weeks of reading can go waste if you don’t!).

She hops down the train after you and, jostling with the crowd manages to catch up. She uses some professional excuse to ask for your mobile no. (anyways gay-stalking is not much of a danger here). Before you have a glass of water after reaching office, she calls up and then the Ovarian hormones take over and the Volcano of emotions bursts….

Her: Hi this is XYZ, I just met you in the Train today. I was watching you for a long time and was also listening to your conversation.
Tj: Aaaaa, ummm, why…
Her: Well, you know, honestly, this is not about anything professional… you know what, you’re such a sweet, beautiful, confident, smart gal… I think you’d make a perfect match with my Brother… (wow, I found the Angelina for my Bradd… )
Tj: but… but… hold Onnnnn.
Her: Don’t tell me you’re already married
Tj: Yeas I am.
Her: Oh no, this can’t happen… this is not true…. How many years have you been married?
Tj: Almost three.
Her: Oh… you don’t look like married for three years… you married early. Do you have kids…
And Blah Blah Blah…..
Finally
Her: we can still be friends, do keep in touch.

And then our very own Tj (already bloated with such indirect flattery) as known to all of us (frens n relatives, cheapstakes and Team 10), had the whole episode covered by all the media channels (through all sources).

Mobiles are always the first service providers.
But nothing beats the net.

Later in the evening, she makes me point out something different about her today (this happens to a common game between married couples…. “Spot the difference today”). Although puzzled (caught again!!) I manage to spot the cute little “Bindi” (part of Indian Traditional make-up) on her forehead…. And then she tells me that perhaps the Bindee made all the difference today.

Just the next day Shekhu (from team 10) reminds me of one of his fav songs “Chaand jaisey mukhadey pe bindiyaa sitaaraa…..”

Difficult not to be smiling at the story and the sequence of events.
Wundering if this could ever be so true. IT IS!